nameless here forevermore

Famous Last Words of

Employees and Managers

by Stuart Ward

Springs volunteer groundskeeper and assistant manager 2000-2002; creek plungekeeper 1999 - 2014

"Most employees who came and went over the decades under four different managements appeared reasonably earnest and dedicated to appointed duties, even if only working at shekel over minimum wage. 

"Exceptions were a hoot -- even some managers. In fairness, some, writer included, messed up only as sometimes squirrelly owner directives, bickering internal politics, and/or job burnout finally took their toll.

"But others appeared misplaced all along."

"They can't actually expect anyone to

take this job seriously at these wages, can they?"

-- friend of manager Mary H.'s shortly before being relieved of two-day career as bathhouse attendant.

"Prepare to reap the whirlwind!"

-- Stage-worthy warning issued by ground restaurant's chef as he strode by on bathhouse deck. Involved in long crazy cold war with management, he was getting even after finally having contract cancelled and bought out: he'd just reported laundry list of fire code violations to fire marshal that would have staff hopping to avoid draconian daily fines if failing to get back into compliance post haste.

"The most important key to know is this one."

-- 2005 front desk manager pointing out 'No Sale' key, explaining how to work register as part of inter-job-duty orienting. He was later caught pocketing restaurant receipts and did three years in state prison. I think I figured out his fondness for that key: It enabled putting exact-cash payments in and then lifting them out later when the coast was clear without messing up receipt tally -- easy to track then, as baths were even $20, saunas $10. 

"I'll be there soon, okay? Dry cycle's almost done."

-- Office worker spacing out in laundry room on slow day, watching personal laundry tumble in dryer. Writer and movie producer James Twymann, then an occasional visitor, was waiting patiently in empty office to pay for selected gift shop items, money in hand.

 "I wouldn't like that; I'd be out of a job."

-- Manager after writer enthused about brainstorm heard of long-ago: Friends of Stewart Springs group sussing idea on public TV to collectively purchase and operate springs as cooperative, thinking anyone who really loved place would at least find this intriguing. Clearly unmoved by such Utopian fantasies -- and apparently feeling tenure threatened by even broaching subject -- defiant icy stare accompanied verdict.

"#%!%@#!"

-- Death rock music blaring out of grounds restaurant stereo ahead of opening doors, shaking rafters, before chef, inveterate death rock fan, switched to...er, more relaxing music. One might've thought something was less than copacetic if happening to walk by ostensible healing resort's eatery just then.

"If the sheriff comes by here you didn't see me."

--2001 nighttime bathhouse attendant at my cabin door. Normally sweet-natured, she could turn poison-mean when crossed. She'd just told off apparently over-demanding soaker so royally, woman -- either scared and/or outraged that a lowly paid worker would dare give her such lip and dagger stares -- called the sheriff.

" ........ "

-- Deck juice-bar man taking break by sitting on bench by cold plunge, dragging on cigarette while boldly starring at nude coldplungers a few yards away like he was in a porn theater. Also, perhaps thinking to entertain, he threw stick in water for his dog to jump in and retrieve, splashing incredulous bathers. 

"I'll take care of it first thing tomorrow."

-- Dismissive groundskeeper, wanting to keep schmoozing with manager in private office despite being alerted that the sauna's wood stove's flue cap screen spark-arrestor was so caked with creosote that smoke had serious trouble escaping, resulting in smothering fire and dangerously smoking up sauna room. Visitors were coughing, eyes stinging, and there were hours of operation left in the day. Manager, out to lunch (and slowly dying), didn't seem at all concerned either. It was an easy ten-minute fix.

“We're a mineral springs, not a hot springs.”

-- Manager (and various office workers, following lead), ostensibly thinking to explain to newcomers how place was different from other springs resorts. Say what? Obviously the two are not mutually exclusive: a mineral springs' waters can be cold or hot and hot springs' waters can be fresh or mineral. The statement was essentially meaningless. Though maybe said to try distinguishing place from wider region's hot springs resorts for having limited heated mineral water and private soaking tubs, rather than communal geothermal pools, often clothing-optional, it mostly served only to bewilder, especially when said in authoritarian tone. 

"I mean, it was only six thousand dollars, but still..."

-- Another manager, from affluent background, downplaying significance of amount of cash stolen from office safe sometime during closed hours. (Thief was  never caught.) 

"If people are stupid enough to trip over it,

they get what they deserve."

-- yet another manager, clearly having  a day, to suggestion of putting warning tape down on step up to sauna wing where people not seeing it would often stumble, sometimes even fall.

"I don't work here anymore."

-- Still another manager, implying having stepped down, ostensibly hoping to placate writer, as we'd seldom gotten along. But it was spoken with wily intent: she perhaps no longer worked AT Springs, but would still serve as general manager by remote from distant home for two more years. She'd relay strict marching orders from even more distant 'owners' to rubber-stamping staff actually holding down the fort.

"You're telling people they can actually drink that stuff?"

-- and still another manager, overhearing writer doing stint as bathhouse attendant and telling bathers drinking the water was beneficial as well as soaking in it if they could get past the mild sulfur taste.

________________________________

Short by visitor

" I lived here 38 years ago. I delivered a baby here and got married here at the Springs." 

 (attribution deleted due to program glitch; apologies)